A walk in the Red Light District will make it abundantly clear that prostitution, referred to as “the oldest profession in the world,” is legal in Amsterdam. All of the prostitutes that you see belong to a union called “The Red Thread” and are tested for HIV and STDs. While it’s okay to sneak a quick peak, or even a longer one if you wish, do not take photos unless you want to explain yourself to the angriest—and largest—man you’ll ever see.
Knowing the basics about lovin’-for-hire in Amsterdam can make your experience with a window-booth prostitute all the more pleasurable. Here are the basic dos and don’ts.
First, be sure to show the ladies basic respect. Looking is fine, even necessary, but leering and catcalling are absolutely uncalled for. Keep in mind that prostitution is an entirely legal enterprise, and windows are a place of business. Afford them the dignity that you would show any other professional. Second, show up clean and sober. Prostitutes, like any family restaurant, reserve the right to refuse service to anyone, and if you’re a drunken, smelly mess, that girl of your dreams will probably throw you out on your rear. Third, be sure to be extremely clear and straightforward in your negotiation. Specifically state what you get for the money you’re paying—that means which sex acts, in what positions, and especially how much time you have in which to do it. Fourth, don’t make trouble. If anyone becomes violent or threatening with a window prostitute, they have access to an emergency button that sets off a loud, noisy alarm. It not only makes an ear-splitting noise, it also summons the police, who invariably side with prostitutes in disputes. If you feel you have a legitimate complaint, head to the Prostitution Information Center and discuss it with them. Fifth, don’t ask for a refund if you’re not satisfied. All sales are final in this business, and if you can’t get it up to perform, go get some Viagra, don’t blame the ladies. Sixth, always practice safe sex. A prostitute should not be expected to, and indeed will not, even touch an uncondomed penis. This is not negotiable: no glove, no love.
